I was 30 before I realized how awful Santa was to baby Rudolph for being different. Maybe Santa was cranky at the time. He looked like he’d just called Jenny. Regardless, he shamed Donner for Rudolph’s red nose. The elves have red noses too, but they drink a lot. And they didn’t like Hermey for being television’s first gay elf dentist.

Now that I’m a grown up, I want a full apology to Rudolph from Santa, and Rudolph’s refusal to lead the sleigh through the fog. Grab a flashlight from Santa’s sack, Rudolph, and strap it to Dasher’s antlers. Clarice will dig you for it. Bet she’ll let you play in special reindeer games, too..;)


Written by Nancy Alexander